The Forbidden Fruit.
Its been a while...
Months even... if you believe in the concept of time...
That I have visited pouring my chaotic thoughts...
But here I am again in need of your assistance...
Let me start...
I am fundamentally corrupted,
My soul
owned by the devil.
But my heart? It is relentless, it
makes me act stupid…
It makes me strive for something
that I can’t have…
It dares me to go to heaven...
It wants me to believe in hope...
Not some superman kind of fantasy... it prompts me to play my role,
Be my own savior, so I may save my soul.
To stop myself from banishing myself to
the underworld for forever and more…
Subconsciously or consciously I don’t know why,
I think I hope, even after all this time.
Funny someone recently told me, “perhaps
we can’t escape hope even if we tried...”
I couldn’t deny what she said it was
the truth I was the one who said I’m a hopeless romantic.
I was caught in my own lie.
Lie it would’ve been… if I had
denied but I didn’t...
I would be lying if I denied the truth of that statement and I don’t like to lie.
Confused, fuming and crazed I look
back at my life thinking what has changed?
What made me this, whatever that I
have become;
A sorry human a pathetic soul;
I was meant to save lives…
And I have but now I can’t even save
mine...
I feel so hopeless but I have hope
oh what is this conundrum my mischievous mind!
Because I believe I deserve some
kind of peace,
I want to be happy,
Someday, whenever that will be,
Perhaps when the world is over when
we meet our creator...
But I can’t go to heaven as long as
I am, me.
I can’t change or replace these
parts of me...
Until I let go of my worldly needs,
I probably will never find peace.
I may own my desires,
By they were product of someone else's disease,
My sick urges someone else's fault curated by me,
They closed me into a prison for
years,
Chained me to the tree then forbade
the apple that I never even wanted in the first place,
Sure I was curious but I never
sought it,
I resisted any urge,
But they mistook my intentions as
always,
I was left to suffer,
All alone to be purged.
While they thought they were doing
me a favor,
They were damning me to hell,
They were very wrong.
but we're years into the future now,
They think I am ready...
It baffles me,
Because now I lack the immunity...
"I need the apple badly",
But I can’t have it...
I don’t want it...
What was a sin before would soon will
become my release...
Its giving me a heartache,
I will have to go against my own
nature,
The nature which was nurtured by the
protector of the apple grooves, it seems, not mine;
How Preposterous!
I don’t want to be a part of it!
I don’t want to swallow my pride!
Just because someone is asking for
it?
But I can’t deny... it,
I am not strong enough I don’t have the
immunity,
I need it because the nurtures will
hunt me if I don’t consume it,
While I was chained I was told the
other trees are bad...
I was okay then because there was
that one tree that I still had,
I grew to love it,
I watered it with whatever I had,
My own rations I gave to it,
For it to grow...
But now the tree too has forgotten
me it seems...
When I went to caress it one last
time,
I faced its wrath.
Now they plan to unleash me, the cultivators
I mean,
Because they lost the right to be
called nurtures,
I was deprived of the nutrition I needed,
sun, air whatever,
Instead they seeded my heart with
venom,
Now they expect to release me and go
taste the apple?
How can I crave something that I was
programmed to hate?
And I hate it even now perhaps?
But I am afraid of it I am sure...
It is the reason for my poisoned vessels,
Tell me how can I crave something
that made me endangered?
I don’t know right now, I have yet
to taste the apple...
But what about my love for the tree?
What about my prison I came to
cherish?
What about me?
What about my venomous soul?
Do I not really matter?
Was I just a pawn?
Oh so dear cultivator was it your plan all along?
Was I just a toy to serve your purposes?
Once that I taste it...
To the apple I will belong.
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